Ooh. From "Sacrifices":

"I’ve always found that sticking your fingers in your ears and humming loudly solves a whole slew of problems."

Jack O'Neill's entire psyche in one line, man.

I also have a quite unreasonable fondness for his phrasing in "Deadman Switch" when Aris Boch says perhaps they've heard of him, and Jack replies, "Not I."

I adore this exchange from "Threshold"

Teal'c: Va'lar!
Jack: "Va'lar?" Is that what he said?
Daniel: I thought he said "velour."
Jack: "Velour?"
Daniel: "Velour."
Jack: The fabric?
Daniel: That's what I heard him say.
Jack: Why would he say that?
Daniel: I don't know. Why would he say "Va'lar"?

And the time that he plays with the magnifying glass and makes faces *glee*

Jack: I thought you said it was Greek.
Daniel: Oh, um, Mycenae was an ancient city in the southern Peloponnesus region.
Jack: Where's that?
Daniel: Greece.
Jack: Why do I do that?!
--------
Daniel: Hathor was the Egyptian goddess of fertility, inebriety, and music.
Jack: Sex, drugs, and rock and roll?
--------
You all know I take great pride in my title as Mr. Positive, however, we did destroy their de-Goa'ulding thing, might not they look unkindly on that?
--------
It's "O'Neill," with two L's. There's another Colonel O'Neil with only one L, and he has no sense of humor at all.
--------
Jack: All right, I gotta know. What the hell does "kree" mean?
Daniel: Well, actually, it means a lot of things. Loosely translated it means "attention," "listen up," "concentrate—"
Jack: "Yoo hoo"

There are so many!!! Sooooooo many!!! I will be back later :)

Eep, too many to choose from!

From "Torment of Tantalus" - "Oh please, the Pentagon has lost entire countries."

And "Redemption Part I" where he uses the words 'penchant' and 'asunder' in the space of about two minutes. He's such a stealth nerd.

I'll be back with more after work. :)

*spams self, which is pretty tragic*

Upgrades, and Jack uncovers the flaw in being able to read really, really fast:

[Jack picks up a book and reads it in a matter of seconds. Daniel stares at him amazed.]
Daniel: Did you just read that?
Jack: I guess. I don't suppose there's another book around that explains this book.
Daniel: What reason did Hobbs give for the fall of the civilization?
Jack: Failing agricultural infrastructure.
Daniel: Jack, that's unbelievable!
Jack: Hey, it's just theory.
[Daniel attempts to read a book fast but is unable. He becomes frustrated and stops.]
Jack: Want me to read it to you?

Jack O'Neill: What now?
Teal'c: I have read of a place where humans do combat in a ring of Jell-O.
[tosses Teal'c a cell phone as they head to the truck] Jack O'Neill: Call Daniel.

Jack O'Neill: I'd like to apologize in advance for anything that I may say or do that could be construed as offensive as I slowly go NUTS.

Bra'tac: You are indeed a wise and gracious leader, O'Neill of Minnesota.
Jack O'Neill: Sit down you old coot.
((I love how in the later seasons he just totally identifies himself with Minnesota than Chicago, where he's actually supposed to be from!))

Aaaaaaaand from Crystal Skull, one of my top Jack O'Neill quote EVER...
Jack O'Neill: Hey, if you'd been listening you'd know that Nintendos pass through everything.
Daniel: I heard.
Jack O'Neill: Everything.

Favorite Jack moments include when he's oxygen deprived in Season 4's Tangent and he wakes up Teal'c by throwing a pen at his head, as well as the entire ping pong game with Teal'c in Season 8's Sacrifices where his manhood is repeatedly nearly compromised by aforementioned angry Jaffa (and then at the end after Teal'c leaves he sneaks in that one hit so he can at least get one point).

From Revelations

Jack: Any ideas?
Heimdol: We cannot risk capture. We must destroy the ship ourselves.
Jack: Any good ideas?

Unnatural Selection. Thor has just explained that they've drawn all the Replicators to one place. Jack: "I have a theory why you lost the war."

Tangent:

TEAL'C: If I placed myself in an extremely deep state of Kel'No'Reem, my heart rate will decrease, and our oxygen requirement will be lowered considerably.
O'NEILL: Who will I talk to?
TEAL'C: There is little to say, O'Neill. We have fought and won many battles together. It has been an honour to serve the Tau'ri by your side. We are brothers.
O'NEILL: Wow, that's uh…
TEAL'C: Is there anything you wish to say, O'Neill?
O'NEILL: What could I possibly say after that? Backatcha!

Oh, I must come back! But in the meantime:

"Daniel!"

"For cryin' out loud!"

...and anything with Oz. :)

Today? Noo! I have too much to do today!

From Window of Opportunity:

Jack, to Janet and her penlight: I ask you. What could possibly be in my eye that could explain this?

And Fallen, Part 1 (because Jack loves George, and I can't just say 'omg Chain Reaction! The whole thing!):

Jack, from the F-302 before launch: Uh, command? There is one more thing…
Hammond: Colonel. Major. Godspeed.
Jack: All right, that's better.

Hi! Delurking here because Jack is one of my favorite subjects. :) I love it when he plays with words. Because he's a NERD:

Fire and Water: "I'm not a big fan of that bark like a chicken, cluck like a dog stuff."

Touchstone: "We came here in peace, and we expect to go in one... piece."

1969:
JACK: Or...
SAM: I can't think of an 'or' at the moment, sir.
DANIEL: No 'or'?
JACK: There is an 'or'.
DANIEL: There's an 'or'?
SAM: Sir, you can't just will something to happen because you want it to be a certain way.
JACK: Captain, where there's a will, there's an 'or'.

Small Victories: "I'd be happy to debrief you all after I've debriefed myself for a nice hot shower."

Upgrades:
ANISE: You may call me Anise.
DANIEL: Anise?
ANISE: It means "Noble Strength".
DANIEL: I'm Daniel. It means, uh, "God is my judge".
JACK: I'm Jack. It means... What's in the box?
[this might be my favorite fake!stupid thing Jack has ever said. *g*]

*spams self again, because apparently once I've started, I can't stop*

All the magnets stuff. But especially this bit in Point Of No Return:

Jack: The truth. There is a top-secret government program called Project Stargate.
Martin: (excitedly) I knew it!
Jack: But it has nothing to do with space travel.
[Martin looks disappointed.]
Martin: What does it have to do with?
[Jack looks very serious and leans over slightly to talk to Martin.]
Jack: Magnets!
[Martin looks confused then blinks.]
Martin: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Jack: No…I've already said too much.

I have been terribly remiss in participating in these lately (well, much of anything on LJ at all, come to think of it. Bad Annerb, bad!). Can't possibly leave Jack hanging though. ;)

Basically any time Jack and Jacob are having a conversation is awesome. I'm thinking of Exodus when Jack is so proud of their mothership and giving Jacob such a hard time.

Jack: "Hey! Don't scuff the walls. (To Jacob) I want this ship back the way we found it." Bwah.

But I also love in Lost City where Jack is asking Weir to let them try and find the Lost City and Kinsey is being a total bastard and Jack just goes totally serious and turns to Weir and demands, "Who are you, really? And why *are* you here?" Those moments when he really betrays his intellect and understanding of power plays...just hot. Lol.

You mean, aside from my icon? :-D

I like in Foothold when he's pretending to be evil Jack and Teal'c catches on when Jack does this over-arch
"Oh but you will."

Also when he's giving himself permission to feel "Janet" up because "She's just an alien. She's just an alien."

From WoO:

O'NEILL: I'm telling you, Teal'c. If we don't find a way out of this soon I'm going to lose it.
Lose it…it means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of one's faculties, three fries short of a happy meal…WACKO!

Um, from Serpent's Lair:

"We have...shuttles." And later "Bad day." And then at the end looking at Earth and...okay, I just like all of them this episode so...


Lost City: (http://www.stargate-sg1-solutions.com/wiki/7.22_%22Lost_City_Part_2%22_Transcript)
DANIEL: Sphere…planet. Label…name.

O'NEILL: Following…still…you…not!

DANIEL: Praclarush taonas. I…I think you wrote the name of the planet we will find the Lost City in the crossword.

O'NEILL: Bit of a jump?

DANIEL: Why else would you do that?

CARTER: The clue for seven down is "celestial body" and he wrote Uma Thurman.

O'NEILL: (smiling) Yes.

Or when he's telling his team that Siler gets his Simpsons vhs tapes.

And as a sweet moment, in Lost City when he has that moment with Teal'c. I mean...there's moments with all of them, but the one with Teal'c breaks my heart, just with the look!

Or...wow, so many to choose.

Oh and of course...magnets.

There are just *way* too many good Jack lines....

From 1.19 Tin Man:
O'NEILL: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Colonel speaking. Welcome to P3X niner-eight-niner, where it's a balmy…room temperature.

From 4.12, Tangent:
TEAL'C: Assuming this device is programmed to return to Apophis's home world, several hundred years.

O'NEILL: Several hundred?

TEAL'C: Years.

O'NEILL: Yeah, just uh…let me do the math on that here. Carry the four…

From 4.06, WoO
[O'Neill and Teal'c are again playing golf through an open wormhole. O'Neill is just about to take a shot when…]

HAMMOND: Colonel O'Neill, what the hell are you doing?

O'Neill: In the middle of my back swing!

From WoO!

Jack O'Neill: I distinctly remember sitting here, listening to Carter prattle on about solar activity and a... corona... something.
Major Samantha Carter: Coronal mass emissions - I was just about to bring it up.
Jack O'Neill: There you go, how would I know that?
Major Samantha Carter: Maybe you read my report.
Daniel Jackson: Maybe he *read* your report?

Phew... how to choose???

Umm, let's see. Favorite moments? Well, one is when he promotes Sam in New Order, Part 2, and she doesn't believe it and he motions her over with a lil "Come here!"

That killed me. And um, pretty much every moment in WoO.

Oh, in "Hathor":

[Carter is looking at the healed abdomen of O'Neill who has no memory of past events]
Capt. Carter: Wow! That's a miracle!
Col. O'Neill (confused): Crunches.

The expression on his face is just hilarious.

Quotes:

From Singularity:

Capt. Carter: You can actually see matter spiralling towards it..
Col. O'Neill: Actually, it's called the Accretion disc.
Dr. Jackson: You can see why the local population would be afraid of i...What did you just say?!
Col. O'Neill:It's just an astronomical term.
Capt. Carter:You didn't think the colonel had a telescope on his roof just to look at the neighbors did you?
Col. O'Neill: [to Teal'c] not initially

From Jolinar's Memories:

Dr. Jackson: You said Hell, right?
Col. O'Neill: Well, I'm going to end up there sooner or later. Might as well check out the neighborhood, huh?

From Exodus:

Col. O'Neill: Something wrong?
Maj. Carter: No. I've just never blown up a star before.
Col. O'Neill: Well, they say the first one's always the hardest. I say that.

From Red Sky:


[Carter explanes a plan to Gen. Hammond and Col. O'Neill to save K'Tau]
Col. O'Neill: I thought when something was in a wormhole, it existed only as energy,that you needed another Stargate to turn it back into solid matter.
Maj. Carter: Actually, you're absolutely correct, sir.
[O'Neill stares at Carter and says nothing for few seconds]
Col. O'Neill: I am?
Maj. Carter: Yes.
[While Carter continues to explain, O'Neill turns back to Gen. Hammond and grins]

1.18 "Solitudes" has so many good Jack moments:

"You wouldn't think jagged bone digging into raw nerves would hurt, but it does."

and...

CARTER: I'm sorry Colonel, I'm doing the best I can.
O'NEILL: I know you are, Captain, can you just be done?

(Really, that whole leg-setting conversation is fab.)

and...

"Ah, a little paint, a coupla windows, maybe a fireplace in the corner…it'll be just like home."

***
O'NEILL
I think I cracked a rib too.

CARTER
Why didn't you say something?

O'NEILL
I was afraid you'd try to put a splint on it!

***

O'NEILL
What's four?

CARTER
There is no four.

O'NEILL
It's after three.

***

CARTER
Ah. I didn't know you could cook.

O'NEILL
I can't, but my melted ice is to die for.

***

And everyone's favorite: "It's my sidearm, I swear…"

From Heroes part 1:
When Jack lays in on Kensey in the mess hall... and right after that when the alarm goes off and he tells the interview guy to stay put, basically (sorry, not too good with the quoting and couldn't find it in wikiquote)

And then there's one of the many moments between Jack and Mayborne (I forget which episode exactly... the one where Carter was kidnapped?)
"Actually, the overwhelming desire to shoot you is coming back"

I'd mention more, but most of them are already up there.... I loves me some Jack ^_^ (and Daniel, and Tealc and... ^_~)

Back!

From Window of Opportunity

Jack: I'm telling you, Teal'c, if we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm going to lose it. Lose it. It means go crazy. Nuts. Insane. Bonzo. No longer in possession of one's faculties. Three fries short of a Happy Meal. Wacko!

I hope it's ok to pic spam as well :)

(http://s35.photobucket.com/albums/d155/Scotllass/?action=view&current=JackBalcony.jpg)

I love Season 8 Jack, especially New Order, when Thor beams him onboard and interfaces him with the ship computer.

"Hello. Testing, testing. One, two, one, two, one, two, testing. Hellooo. Is this thing on?"

and

"Ah, right, here we go. Oh, this is cool. I can pretty much do anything I want, can't I?" and turning the lights on and off on and off until Thor prompts him.

"Talk amongst yourselves!" and "I've never looked better."

THEN, when he gets defrosted!

DANIEL: What's the last thing you remember?

JACK: Getting my head sucked by one of those dang Ancient head suckers. (beat) And something about twins.

HAHAHA!

JACK: Teal'c. What's with the hair?
THOR: O'Neill.
JACK: Thor. You got aspirin?
THOR: You should feel better momentarily and your memory will slowly return.
JACK: Teal'c. What's with the hair?

*dies*

My favorite Jack quote is from WoO:


My heart still flutters when ever I see that secret little smile and hear that one quiet word.

"Nuthin'..."

First favorite Jack moment is in WoO when Daniel suggest that if he were stuck in a time loop he would do whatever he wanted. Also when he is working on pottery in that episode. Guh the arms.

Season 2. "The Fifth Race"

Jack is trying to explain boxing to Teal'c. Jack tells Teal'c "You got to bend your cozars."

I die laughing every time I see that scene.

Than later in the episode
"No! I'm just looking at it and the words just pop right into my fron."

RDA just delivers that line so well it just is.

Season 7 "Grace"
Jack talking to Sam after she is found and still recovering.

"Um, Teal'c and Daniel say hi, uh, they're planning a little bit of a shindig for when you're up and around. There's talk of cake."

I was watching "Touchstone" yesterday and the scene between Hammond and Jack when they get back from discovering that the touchstone was stolen just about broke me, I had to copy the whole scene.

O'NEILL: The Touchstone was stolen, sir. By people wearing SGC uniforms who came and went through the Stargate.

HAMMOND: What? Well who was it?

O'NEILL: Everyone involved here would like to know that, sir.

HAMMOND: I don't appreciate your implication Colonel. Why would I send your team to study the thing if I knew it wasn't there?

O'NEILL: No implication intended, sir, but circumstances do beg the next logical question…which is…Could any one of the other SG teams have gone through without your order?

HAMMOND: Not without my knowing about it.

O'NEILL: Yes, sir. General, do you mind if I have Carter recheck the dialing computer. Just to see if there are any signs anyone…sneaking through the Gate…covertly, behind your back as it were, sir.

HAMMOND: Nothing happens regarding that Stargate without my knowing about it, If a person sneezes near it, I get a report.

O'NEILL: (looking disappointed) I understand, sir.

[He walks over and opens the door.]

HAMMOND: Colonel.

[O'Neill turns around.]

HAMMOND: Have Carter check it anyway.

O'NEILL:(looking relieved with a slight smile on his face) Thank you very much, sir.

And there's that line in "Chain Reaction" were he's being terribly insubordinate to General Bauer and says something like "we're arguing about fonts and margins instead of doing something." True grammar/English nerd.

And my other favorite quote from Redemption:

Hammond: Colonel Chekov feels that, as a symbol to our joint efforts, a Russian officer should be assigned to join SG-1.
O'Neill: Over my rotting corpse, sir.
Hammond: Colonel?
O'Neill: I'm sorry. Did I say that out loud?
Major General George Hammond: I said I would discuss it with you and that I was sure you would give it some careful thought.
O'Neill: And that I will, General, but I'm still pretty sure I'll say: "Bite Me".

Poor George. Jack must have been such a trial to him, but I love the way they interact. And the way Jack always stays exactly the right side of insubordinate with George.