1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = snickle
B = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
G = dumbo
h = farcus
I = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
O = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
R = dorfus
S = snooty
t = tootsie
U = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dink y
z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = dippin
B = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
G = lizard
h = waffle
I = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
O = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
R = gizzard
S = lickin
t = snickle
U = chuckle
v = pickle
w = Hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdle



3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a = butt
B = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
G = pan ts
h = shorts
I = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
O = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
R = doodle
S = fanny
t = sniffer
U = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice

So George W. Bush is now Fluffy Chucklefanny. And I'm Dorfus Dippintush.

 

Breathe in slowly through the nose for a count of four, hold for a count of four, out through the mouth for a count of eight...

edit: I worked out the Pepper Field one, too, and for a second I thought it was Stinky Chickenbiscuits. *breathes deeply*

I just had to share that name because... well, there's got to be some people out there with as juvenile a sense of humour as me, right? Stinky Chickenbiscuits. Mustn't... laugh...