Title: Insider Info
Author: Pepper
Rating: G
Wordcount: 640
Featured Character(s): Jonas, Walter
Pairing(s): None
Summary: Someone needs to warn the newbs.
A/N: Comment ficlet written for sg_fignewton, to explain something Jonas said in Descent.

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"Okay, put your hand on this."

Jonas obediently reached forwards. "So this records my handprint?" he enquired, with interest, craning his neck to see whilst still keeping his hand on the scanner.

Walter nodded, pressing buttons. "You're now in the system," he announced, proudly. "Want me to give you a lesson on the iris mechanism?"

"Oh, yes, please! I'm keen to learn as much as I can about regular Stargate operations," explained Jonas. "I mean, if I know the regular procedures, I can see when something is going wrong. Now I'm a member of SG-1, somehow I feel a personal sense of responsibility to ensure the safety of the base."

Walter nodded. "Everyone here must be alert and ready for anything to happen," he said, portentously. "Anything. At any moment, there could be an event that threatens the safety of our entire world." There was a slight pause, in which they both seemed to be waiting for an apocalypse. There was a distinct lack of apocalypsii. "Any moment," reiterated Walter, firmly. "We just don't know when."

"Yeah," agreed Jonas, with just a smidgeon less enthusiasm.

Sensing he was losing his audience, Walter turned to the bank of computers responsible for the iris. "This is the Telemetry Imaging Processor, or TIP machine," he explained. "Your palm print has been recorded and stored here. I'll set the appropriate permissions—" He did so, "and now you can open and close the iris as needed. Put your hand back on the scanner. Go on, give it a try." Jonas did so, and the iris closed. "That closes the iris." Walter leaned into the tannoy, and pressed the transmission button. "Just running some tests," he announced to the Gateroom. The Marine commander glared up at him. "Okay, now put your hand back on it again." Jonas did, and the iris opened again. "There: now you know how to do one of the most important jobs in Stargate Command."

"Yes. It's very important."

"Essential. Of course, that's not all we do up here in the Control Room," said Walter.

"Yes. Well, I think maybe I ought to be—"

"I can show you the power output monitors."

"I'm pretty sure Major Carter wanted me to—"

"And I can give you some insider information about the team, too."

Jonas hesitated. "Well, I am interested in hearing more about what it's like to work with them..."

"Oh, I've been here since the beginning," said Walter, confidently. "I've seen them at their best and their worst, and everything in between." Jonas wavered. "Teal'c, for instance. You might think he's all stoicism and honour, but there's much more to him. Much, much more."

Despite himself, Jonas leaned forward, intrigued. "Yes? I've found Teal'c very hard to interpret – and I'm usually very good at reading people."

"Well, underneath that enigmatic exterior there is a passionate, curious, and somewhat stubborn man. Then of course there's the humour."

Jonas nodded. "Oh, yes – Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill have both made jokes at my expense about the uniform. They were very funny."

"Not them – everyone knows to beware of those two," Walter said, dismissively. "I'm talking about Teal'c's occasional use of humor."

"Teal'c? But I thought he was so... straight-laced."

Walter shook his head fervently. "Don't be fooled. He's much more subtle than—" he looked swiftly around, and was assured that they were alone, "—than Colonel O'Neill. Much more subtle. That's what makes him all the more dangerous. When he punks you, you don't know it until three weeks later and the video has gone around the entire base. Believe me."

"What's 'punks'?"

Walter's face lit up. "Oh, it's from this series – to 'punk' someone is to play a practical joke on them. I can lend you the DVDs. Working with SG-1, you'll need all the help you can get..."

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END.

ETA: As per a conversation in comments - niamaea 's Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At The SGC.