To my dearest colleagues,

 

Wow, you're not too bright, are you? When a water cooler doesn't have a big bottle o' water on top, and instead has a collection of empties bottles all around it, that means there's no water. No amount of putting a plastic cup under the tap, pressing the tap, or standing there and frowning at it is going to make the water appear. It's not magic water. There isn't a well underneath the cooler. Go and ask the facilities dude to bring some more bottles up (you should recognise him – he's the guy who pushes a trolley full of big water bottles past you every damn day). 

 

Sheesh.

 

Also, learn the code to the door already. And stop putting boxes under the photocopier trays, or you'll break the damn thing. There's a big notice telling you not to do that, can you not see it? It's only 72pt, I realise that, but perhaps you could pay a little more attention to the world around you.

 

Yours not in charity with the human race this morning,

 

Pepper.

 

---